No trip to Guam would be complete without enjoying its ocean! Before leaving, I had already decided that I had to try either scuba diving or snorkeling in Guam and experience what it felt like to be surrounded by schools of fish. In the end, I settled on the second scuba dive of my life. The price was about the same as my first dive at Australia’s Great Barrier Reef, so it was pretty good value for money and well worth trying.
BUT! This article isn’t merely a simple introduction to scuba diving in Guam. More importantly, starring yours truly as the cautionary tale, I’m here to tell you this:No matter when or where in the world you go scuba diving, if you want photos to preserve those memories of gliding through the water,then let this article serve as a warning and teach you how to get diving photos you’ll actually be willing to post on FACEBOOK—and never regret for the rest of your life.
Let me be the last one to make this sacrifice! (weeps dramatically) (The wind blows cold as the brave hero departs…and the wateris freezing…)
[ I believe everything is destined to happen; there are no accidents ]
Scuba diving generally comes in two forms: scuba diving and freediving. In freediving, you carry no air tank at all; how long and how deep you can dive on a single breath depends entirely on what fate has blessed you with. Scuba diving, meanwhile, keeps you alive with a tank containing four-fifths nitrogen and one-fifth oxygen. As long as you recreate underwater that life-sustaining technique of breathing through your mouth when your nose is blocked, the tank will keep you alive. Naturally, a beginner like me chose the latter. I may not know how to swim, but I’m very familiar with having a blocked nose, so this was a piece of cake.
There are quite a few dive operators in Guam, and apparently two currently have Chinese-speaking instructors on staff. Since we hadn’t booked anything in advance, we signed up directly through our local guide, who arranged for us to go withJNS Divers GUAMthis well-reviewed dive operator,for a 30-minute introductory dive to a depth of 10 meters. The standard price was US$85 per person, including round-trip transportation, an instructional briefing, changing into and checking the equipment, in-water practice, and the actual dive. The entire tour actually takes around 3 hours. The other Chinese-speaking operator, Xiao Kang Dive House, was surprisingly founded by Taiwanese entertainer Tuo Zongkang. The man doesn’t just make money from nightclubs—he’s expanded all the way to Guam. What vision! But since I’ve only dived with one operator, I have nothing to compare it with. I’ll add more if I ever get the chance in this lifetime.
[ A dedicated shuttle picks you up and drops you off. The man on the far left is my instructor this time, “Oppa” ](Photo from:JNS Divers GUAM Facebook page）
Shan-Shan, the Chinese-speaking dive instructor and co-owner, is a born-and-raised Taiwanese woman. She met JEFF, who shared her love of diving, in Guam and married him, and together they opened JNS Divers GUAM. How romantic! Shan-Shan’s explanations are lively and incredibly easy to understand. Every time she introduced one of the instructors, she would finish with a forceful “Heh!” and an election-style victory gesture. Somehow it had an almost magical effect, and before long we had accidentally joined in with them… “Heh!”
[ Let’s welcome the JNS instructor team—heh! (It was probably something like this) ] (Photo from:JNS Divers GUAM Facebook page）
Shan-Shan’s diving lesson was also very reassuring. She opened with:“Diving is easy. You only need to remember two things you already do in everyday life: breathe through your mouth and sneeze. Then you’ll know how to dive.”After hearing her clear, concise explanation in Chinese and acquiring the two essential survival skills of breathing underwater and equalizing the pressure in my ears, I was practically bursting with joy: “Wow, diving is so easy! Totally doable!” But after those two things,Shan-Shan added roughly another ten things we needed to remember(So there were actually 12 things to remember!), which was truly a masterclass in persuasion.
[ But my male coworkers’ attention seemed to be focused on… They even said it became more impressive after she put on a wetsuit! Hey, how come nobody noticed us girls? Huh? ]
(Photo from:JNS Divers GUAM Facebook page）
The dive site is at Fish Eye Marine Park in south-central Guam. The terrain here is unusual: a huge crater created by bombing during World War II descends gradually in tiers, making it an ideal gathering place for fish. There was already a glass observation tower where visitors could walk out over the water and see the fish without getting wet. Those of us diving could simply put on our tanks at the shore and slowly walk into the water—no boat required.
[ And I’m not exaggerating when I say we slowly walked into the water. Look at the distance from the shore to the dive site by the tower! Walking with an air tank on your back is a seriously long journey. Its weight doesn’t ease until the tank reaches the water and becomes buoyant. This is one occasion when you shouldn’t be too jealous of my height… ]
Honestly, an introductory dive really isn’t difficult. Even if you can’t swim, you can still enjoy transforming into an underwater creature and swimming with the fish. It felt quite safe, with one instructor for every group of two or three people. The instructor pulled the whole group through the water using a rope. We first descended to 5 meters, then continued to 10 meters once we had adjusted to the water pressure. As long as you relax and don’t panic,the only two things you need to do are watch and feed the fish, and equalize the pressure in your ears. Throughout the entire process, the instructor will also keep, keep, keeptaking photos and recording video at every possible moment. To get those photos, everyone in your group only needs to pool togetherUS$20(or US$50 for videos and photos), and they’ll be delivered to your hotel reception that same evening.
[ Our group included not only my coworkers, but also some other friends from Taiwan ]
[ Before officially diving underwater, you test the waters in an extremely shallow area. This photo also shows that the coral at this site has already bleached, so don’t come expecting beautiful coral ]
[ A photo of my dive buddy and me heading into the sea as a pair (?!) Looking back now, this POSE clearly foreshadowed the tragedy to come ]
The instructors repeatedly drilled several tips into us for avoiding a disastrous dive,but what they didn’t teach us was how to avoid having photos taken underwater that we would regret for the rest of our lives!So now allow little old me to tell you:“Taking great diving photos is easy. You only need to remember two things.”：
ONE. No matter how long or short your bangs are, pin them all back unless you want to end it all afterward
I followed the instructor the entire way, feeling perfectly safe, relaxed, and delighted, pulling all sorts of faces at the camera while surrounded by Guam’s ridiculous abundance of fish. Surely this would become a whole series of stunning photos! I want them! I want them!
Little did I know that when I received the photos, this was the sight awaiting me…
Huh? Doesn’t this person look familiar? Isn’t that… the famous blogger…
the one who even released a set of LINE stickers…ByeByeChuchu?!
(Image from:ByeByeChuchu Facebook page）
Oh! So it’s ByeByeChuchu. For a second I thought it wasCreya! Well, I’ll bedamned~
(Image from:ByeByeChuchu Facebook page）
ByeByeChuchu watching fish
ByeByeChuchu dressed as a biker-gang delinquent
(Image from the internet）
COW~ Once underwater, my bangs flew straight upward. I looked exactly like a living strand of seaweed…
I absolutely refuse to admit that this is me… (Mooooom~~~ (sobbing))
(Hahahahahahahahahaha, oh my god, I can’t hold it in anymore)
Do you see now? Do you see? When you go diving,you absolutely, positively, unquestionably, definitely MUST pin your bangs backbackbackbackback!
Otherwise, join me in thinking positively: “Diving comes with free Cosplay of iconic styles from across history and around the world. What incredible value!”
If ByeByeChuchu ever needs someone for a live-action adaptation, I’m available for recommendations. (waves)
TWO. Before entering the water, master 100 photogenic poses
Don’t forget that you’ll be biting down on a regulator, so you can’t give the camera a seductive smile or cycle through joy, anger, sorrow, and delight.Your only facial expression will be… biting down on a tube!
[ Thank you to my coworker Yani for this highly accurate demonstration ]
[ I’m not telling you! ]
Of course, you don’t have to look quite as vacant as I did,
but underwater, the instructor willpoint the camera at you and shoot, shoot, shoot at an average rate of once per minute. If tragedy strikes and, like ByeByeChuchu, you can’t think of any poses, all you can do is keep flashing a “peace sign~” underwater.
You have to keep saying “peace~” while also looking at the fish
or pretend you’re intently watching the school of fish and totally Enjoying yourself underwater. Let me tell you: these poses are absolutely no better!
Finally, having run out of ideas,ByeByeChuchu’s cool underwater posewas born
Unexpectedly, my dive buddy immediately played along out of pure loyalty. I was so touched. No wonder she isFu Jen Catholic University’s Kuwabara, the hilariously clueless college student from University！
So how do you get an amazing underwater photo?
Perhaps take inspiration from my coworkers, the underwater-dragons team, and their Pandora series
Or use KIYOMI’s signature move—something I only thought of after we were back on land. So I’m generously donating this idea to future generations free of charge. But don’t forget to pin back your bangs, or ByeByeChuchu’s KIYOMI will become another all-time classic…
This dive site also has an incredibly cool photo spot. Fish Eye Marine Park has an underwater glass observation room that visitors can enter, a tower where they can view marine life directly as if they were aboard a glass-bottom boat. One of our underwater stops was just outside that tower, creatinga scene where you’re in my water and I’m in yours. That’s right: we became some of the main subjects in the tourists’ photos inside the Fish Eye tower, while the tourists inside happily appeared in ours as well.
Little did we know what was lurking behind that glass… I almost thought July had arrived and this could be submitted to the TV ghost-story show Gui Hua Lian Pian! (And if that show wasn’t from your generation, please don’t tell me.)
Of course, you can also ask a girl inside the glass tower for her phone number(Does your girlfriend know you’re flirting with someone here?)
The fish in Guam have clearly received professional training in photobombing. No matter how carefully we followedthe instructor’s advice to hold the hot-dog fish food away from our bodies so the fish wouldn’t cover our faces and hide us from the camera, they still somehow managed to block you while happily staring straight into the lens
At the very least, you should pay half of that US$20 photo fee
One more reminder for everyone: get the smallest life jacket you can, because its size will be displayed in every single photo!
Or simply unleash an ocean of fish…
The sheer number of fish in Guam is truly dazzling, and considering the quality of the instructors and equipment, the price offers excellent value.Just remember the painful lessons above—“the two things you must never do in underwater photos”—and if you ever have the chance to visit Guam, I highly recommend trying scuba diving!
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